Where are my words?
Sitting with my thoughts
Aside from writing this newsletter, I’ve not found it within me to write much else. I’ve got blog posts outlined, but when I sit down to write, the words fall out of my head and puddle onto the pavement. I walk away and allow them to sink into the concrete.
There once was a time in which I would have fallen to the ground and frantically tried to scoop the words back into my hands, hopeful that they would seep into my skin and flow from my fingertips onto the page and not rush back down onto the ground beneath my feet. However, as the years have drifted by, I’ve come to realize that doing so almost never works, that forcing myself to write never leads to good results.
I’ve learned that there are typing days and there are thinking days, and currently, I am waist-deep within the sea of thinking.
I find that I both loathe and revel in the days set to thinking, my mind whirring softly as new ideas form, some of which I have words for and others which remain blurry images or feelings until the next string of thinking occurs, or possibly the next, or for forever. Often I find myself circling the same thoughts over and over again, like a playground spinner, never finding a way towards its center, yet knowing all the while there is an entrance someplace I am just not seeing.
So as I spin indefinitely under the mercy of my own thoughts, here are some things that have struck me lately, causing a little ding to go off within my brain:
We cannot keep constantly pushing to expand. It’s unnatural. We need to retreat as well. Whatever that looks like for you. Whether it means being alone. Whether it means lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Whether it means putting the manuscript away for a few weeks. The mind gets cluttered. Expansion is beautiful and so rewarding, but it creates clutter. Have you ever seen a child painting or doing crafts? The area they’re occupying while they play or create becomes a mess of toys, crayons, glue, paints, glitter, paper, etc. Sure, the kids are learning, their knowledge expanding. But eventually, everything needs to get cleaned up again, which no one ever sees as fun.
—Excerpt from An Intuitive Light’s latest post Letting it cook
Tiny win of the week
I still cannot believe this is really happening, truly. But A Daisy in Lily’s Valley is officially in its first brick and mortar bookshop: Johns Creek Books! I think the news has hardly sunk in for me because I still have no idea how to react. All I can say is that I really loved meeting one of the owners, Erin, and chatting books for over an hour. What better way to spend a Saturday? She even out out the first copies on her shelves:
We have even been working together to host some sort of event in May. I am equal parts excited and terrified. Even though I teach sewing classes and have found myself speaking in front of large crowds, it is not something that comes naturally to me and always has me turning beet red. But maybe speaking to other book-loving people such as myself will be different, more calming, and altogether an incredibly pleasant experience.
Speaking of events, I will have my first foray into an author event with Topstitch Studio & Lounge in their brand new location! Come join us on Thursday, April 25th from 6-8 PM. Not only will we be discussing the book, there will also be a fun sewing project (for those interested in crafting something for the kitchen!) as well as tasty treats and drinks!
In the Garden
Work on the garden is slower than I had hoped, but I knew going into this project it would take us a lot of time and energy, and I am relishing every spare moment I get to spend outside.
Currently, we are finishing up the garden bed that frames one side of our pergola and the back edge of the house. We are missing two boards (which I plan to pick up this week), and then the boxes will be complete and only lacking in additional soil. Already, Arlen and I feel that this new bed makes the backyard feel more put together.
Next up, we are going to dive into building our first L-shaped garden bed for the upper left corner (the one nearest the house and pergola). We need to purchase the wood, perform the burning and sanding and tung-oiling and then we can build the bed and set it into place—eeepppp!
As I mentioned briefly in last week’s letter, all I want to do lately is be outside, weeding the garden, playing in the dirt. I’ve been trying to find ways in which I can expand my time spent outside. So much so that I brought up the issue with my therapist this week and she suggested I let something fall away from my *very long* list of to-dos (no matter how hard I try, it always seems to grow).
I definitely agree with her, but it’s hard. Again, as I wrote last week, I struggle with always wanting to do all the things. So my homework between this session and next month’s is to identify what items on my to-do list don’t really have a pressing time limit and to drop them for the time being while I focus on other things. Another difficult task as I seem to be missing that filter that other people have that helps them easily identify priorities. For me, my brain just screams, “Everything is a priority! You need to do all the things RIGHT NOW otherwise you are failing and falling behind!”
Mmmk. Thanks for that keen insight brain.
Book Review
This week’s book review happens to be on a book I am currently reading (and absolutely loving!). I actually picked up Oona Out of Order from John's Creek Books specifically because of Maria’s review. Funnily enough, she had secretly purchased a copy for me for my birthday—whoops! Obviously, it is a book worth reading if you are as obsessed with time travel/ the multiverse as we are.
Thanks for being here, dear reader. I appreciate all the time you spend with me,
Brittani