As I sit here typing away on the keys of my laptop looking out the open window, I feel an intense calling to be outside beneath the sun. The breeze drifts in through the screen and kisses my face gently beckoning me to shed my cardigan and close my eyes. I listen as the fresh leaves and the drying seeds hanging from the tree outside my studio rustle with each passing gust. Birds call to each other and the tension wound tight in my shoulders begins to melt away ever so slightly. I draw further inwards, comfort and safety enveloping me in the darkness that lies behind my eyelids, and I feel at home, where I most belong.
Capturing these tiny glimpses of peace has been a saving grace for me over these past two weeks as I find myself slipping closer and closer to social burnout. I know I have touched on this before (and will likely touch on it again as it seems to be a recurring theme in my life), but I have once again struggled to find a balance within myself between putting myself out in the world and retreating inwards. The last time this happened, I tried to ignore the call of my body and mind and push onwards. This didn’t last long, maybe two weeks or so, before I slowed down and took time off for myself. At that time, I was frustrated that I hadn’t acted sooner, but grateful that I had noticed my need to rest at all. I took the good with the not-so-great. And I suppose now, I should be giving myself a hearty pat on the back for recognizing the signs almost immediately and finding little moments in which I could take action against my impending burnout.
This season of rest seems to be coming at a very conspicuous time, right at the end of one eclipse, the start of another, mercury going into retrograde, and my 32nd birthday right around the corner. I find myself re-evaluating a lot at the moment. What it is I want from life, what my body is asking me to give it, what my mind craves tinkering with and beneath it all, I hear the steady hum of my inner knowing telling me to turn inwards. To shed things ruthlessly from my day-to-day life. To par back and return to simplicity as much as possible. To get outside and bask in the wonder of nature as she rushes to fill our spaces with greenery and blooms and birdsong and warmth.
While reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, a particular line struck me and struck me hard:
There is one other reason HSPs drive their bodies too hard, and that is their intuition, which gives some of them a steady stream of creative ideas. They want to express them all.
Guess what? You cannot. You have to pick and choose.
This struck me so strongly because this idea of not being able to do everything that I want to possibly do in my given life causes me. lot of stress. It quite literally paralyzes me from taking any sort of action, and many days, you can find me sitting in my bed or on my couch unable to make a choice on what it is I should be doing.
Should I sew that pair of jeans I’ve needed for 6 months? But wait, what about the baseboards that I keep saying I would clean? But, but, what about the promise I made to get the garden up and running? Will I have time to write my next book? And what about embroidering—did we just give up on that hobby? Don’t even look at the knitting needles and yarn stack that hasn’t been touched since December, it’ll only depress you further . . .
Since coming across this section of Aron’s book, I’ve been really sitting with the uncomfortable feelings that have arisen and the deep knowledge that I’ve always known to be true—I cannot do it all. I have to pick and choose—and the inevitable sadness that such knowledge presents.
I haven’t really found my way to any center regarding this idea, but I may be circling it. All I can do, in this moment, is continue to trust what my body is telling me. And what it is telling me is that I need to let something go. I cannot do it all. I need to drop some of the things in my life, maybe not permanently, but for the here and now. When I sink in low and ask what it is I truly want, what my body and brain and soul crave more than anything else, a resounding answer calls forth, rushing through my veins and seeping into my bones.
So I return to the present moment, flutter my eyelids open, and breathe in the feeling of spring.
In the Garden
Last weekend, we started on the first of the garden beds for our new backyard garden! This poor space has seen a lot of changes over the years, from a darkened patch of grass to our first garden imaginings to a shift in the layout when we realized not a lot of sun reached this little corner, and yet again, it is undergoing a transformation.
We did our first attempt of Shou Sugi Ban on our non-pressure treated wood and it turned out so beautiful! I am obsessed with the color of the burnt wood so so much! We spent an entire morning with the wood over our fire pit, charring it till the outside turned black.
Then, a few days later, I sanded the extraneous ash off, wiped it clean, and applied tung oil to help seal and waterproof everything.
This is a great, all natural way of protecting the wood from rotting too quickly (as all wood will eventually rot especially if constantly exposed to soil) and it’s just super beautiful! Like, I am obsessed with how the color of the wood turned out and can’t wait to add on to the garden little by little this season.
To start, we have decided to create a raised bed around both the pergola and the back of our house. This “defining” bed is going in place first because it is actually helping us mark exactly where we need to level out the sloping space. This particular corner (where the pergola meets the house) is 16” higher than the other three corners of the garden. After a lot of discussion, we have decided to dig down 8” in this corner and then do a soft decline into the other three corners. How, exactly, we have not figured out, but this seemed like the best place to start for the time being.
Book Events
I have been chatting with a few places about my novel and a few have asked if I would be interested in partnering in some kind of event—how surreal is that?!
The first in-person event I will be a part of will be held at Topstitch Studio & Lounge’s new location in Decatur, GA on April 25th from 6-8 PM. It’s a totally free event, and there will be baked goods (yum!), tea (yay!), and a simple sewing project for those who wish to create something in line with the book. I hope to see you there, and I promise to update this space with new events as they are scheduled 💛.
Final Days of Sewing Sale
There are only 3 days left of my site wide sewing sale. All sewing, embroidery, and handmade items* have been discounted 70%, no code necessary. There are still quite a few handmade items left that I am hopeful to send to good homes as well as lots and lots of buttons made from the fabric scraps in my very own studio! Plus, there is free shipping on all U.S. orders of $75+, and free international shipping on anything $150+.
Thank you to everyone who has already shopped the sale and given these items a chance at a new life in a creative home. 💛 Packaging up each of these items has meant so much to me as I look back at all the amazing things that have come from this sewing business while also looking forward to all that is yet to happen ahead.
*This does not include digital sewing or embroidery patterns which are already listed as “Pay What You Can”.
March Reading Wrap Up
This month, I really slowed it down with reading. Even though I read every single day, I only managed to make it through 3 books in total. Granted, one of those books was over 1000 pages, so that took up the majority of my reading time!
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell: I checked this book out from the library as I was told that it held brilliant depiction of morally grey characters. Oh my gosh, I was not expecting all that came from reading this book. I am still reeling from it. There are so many conflicting emotions that this story brought up that I have talked a lot about with anyone willing to listen to me drone on and on about how terribly racist the story and characters were (it was written by a white woman in the 1930s and set during the American Civil War from the perspective of Southerners), how many feminist ideas were sliding around, and how gorgeously written in terms of scenery and human suffering/ heartache. Of those I’ve discussed this novel with, every person seems to agree that—love it or hate it—this book really sticks with you long after you have closed it.
The Luminaries by Susan Dennard: I purchased this book over a year ago at Bookish in Atlanta and am so glad I finally read it. It was a really easy read filled with a lot of magic and otherworldly creatures. I am always thrown when entering a magical world that is also set in our technological present, but my discomfort was soon forgotten as I got lost in the story and Winnie Wednesday’s attempts to redeem her family’s standing in the eyes of the Luminary council. This is a great, easy read for those looking for a bit of an escape without too much stress or drama (it felt very Hunger Games-esque).
A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson: Ooofff, this book really struck me primarily because it deals with the inner workings of an emotionally abusive relationship. The writing was beautiful at times, though there was a real lack of description when it came to settings and even the people populating those settings. But as someone who has been in a toxic relationship where I’ve been gaslit and made to feel like I’m slowly going crazy, this book did a really good job of bringing those feelings back to the surface.
New Reviews!
We’ve got two new reviews this week by
of . I am telling you, my TBR list has grown at an exponential rate ever since Maria joined the Untitled Thoughts team with her amazing book reviews. There are simply so many wonderful books out there, waiting to be read!Sally Rooney Nuances Human Connection and Relationships in ‘Normal People’
Elton John Candidly Dazzles with One and Only Autobiography, ‘Me’
Happy Thursday,
Brittani
As always, your words feel like mine, just much better written 😅.
I'm currently taking everything off from my plate (and realizing that even that takes SO MUCH EFFORT, to cancel commitments, or let other people know what's going on...).
t's uncomfortable, and yet feels like the right thing to do, to be able to see, reflect, and evaluate where I'm headed in this new chapter of my life. A book that helped me a lot to change my mind/feel set about this topic and let it be less stressful was 4 thousand weeks by Oliver Burkemann, do you know it?