What I learned at the Holiday Market
Plus our random return to DVDs
Good morning & a warm welcome to all the lovely souls who have recently found this newsletter. I am so excited to have you here and hope that you find pleasure in my random, often chaotic thoughts 💛
Before I jump in to today’s essay, I just wanted to send a huge THANK YOU out into the universe for al of you who were able to come out and support the Holiday Hooray this past weekend, whether you were physically there or were supporting from afar, the positivity running through Saturday and Sunday kept me fueled and energized and eternally grateful. I wish I could wrap all of my thoughts and feeling about this weekend into a neat little package with a pretty little bow, but, alas, I am unable to do so. Words simply cannot capture it all succinctly, but maybe that is ok. I will allow these feelings to stay with me for as long as they like, soaking in their sunshine.
Also! Someone left their book purchase at another vendor’s booth (her name was also Brittany—one of three I met this weekend), which she kindly brought to me in hopes that I might be able to find it’s original owner. So, if you or someone you know is missing their books, please reach out (you can simply hit reply to this email). I do not remember her name, but I do remember our conversation about the books she purchased because they brought back all the nostalgic feels from her childhood.
I’m going to be super upfront and say that this particular essay is 1) not really an essay, but more of a list of things/ observations from this weekend and 2) may feel a bit more disjointed because I am still very much recuperating from the energy of this past weekend. My social battery is depleted and today (Thursday) is the first day I can truly rest.
Here are some things I learned at the fair this past weekend (about myself and life in general):
Random dance parties while talking about books are truly the bees knees (shoutout to sisters Sarah & Shelby for joining in on the fun).
Cute boots do not equal good arch support, but tennis shoes are not waterproof, so both failed me in their own ways.
Rainy weather sucks, especially if you don’t have tent covers.
BUT, market people are the BEST people and will always lend a helping hand in whatever way they can (super shoutout to Eva for lending me her charging brick when all my electronics were on the verge of death and Brittany for lending me tent walls & plastic sheeting when the rain was threatening to destroy my books).
Fun Fact: I will still sunburn even if it is freezing, rainy, and cloudy
Setting up books on an incline is really freaking hard and requires a lot of very specific wood thicknesses in order to shim everything so that nothing topples over.
And, if you try to move anything at any point, everything will topple over into the mud. Yay!
Being around so many people was wonderful and made me feel connected and alive in so many ways, but it also highlighted many of the wounds I still carry with me, such as:
My people pleasing tendencies are still alive and thriving. On Saturday, I failed to…take breaks. Sit down. Eat or drink anything. Use the restroom. None of which I did until the afternoon when I felt I was about to pass out.
My tendency to overthink every single interaction with every single person I ever meet is still my unwanted BFF. Throughout the day and especially on the ride home, the following delightful thoughts popped into my head: Did I talk too much? Did I talk too little? Did someone feel ignored? Was I too loud, too enthusiastic? Did I accidentally stop talking abruptly because I got distracted by something or was suffering cognitive overload? Was I wrapping up conversations appropriately? Did anyone feel I was being pushy? Did I over-explain my Surprise Date Books in an off-putting way?
All of the above questions are smoke-and-mirrors, hiding the one big question and a huge fear of mine which is . . . Do people like me? Because if I am well liked, I am worthy and safe.
Which leads to the question: is my fair persona my inner self masking to stay protected, or is this who I truly am at the core? I really don’t know any more. I’ve always assumed that I was masking in public spaces based on how incredibly drained I am and because I have a deep fear of being disliked/ disappointing anyone, even if I don’t really know the person. But maybe this is just my default setting?
Even though I was left with many deep questions to contemplate (like, seriously, who even am I?? And why haven’t I figured it out?), I am already envisioning future events I might participate in. Setting up was hard and stressful and left both myself and Arlen up the night before worrying, but actually participating and talking to so many different people about books and dogs and kids and the curly hair technique and everything in between was spectacular! That feeling of community I have been searching for was thriving this weekend, and I was lucky enough to be there to soak it all up.
December Donation Pledge Updates
I don’t usually post updates about my monthly donation pledge, but this month has been so different from past months in terms of sales that I just HAD to share the exciting news! And for those who don’t know, every month, I choose an organization to donate between 1-5% of my total profits. December is a 5% month because I had a feeling it would be my most profitable month based on all my research on bookshop sales.
It’s only halfway through the month, and because of your incredible support at the market as well as online, I am currently set to donate at least $150 (quite possibly more!) split between Atlanta Community Food Bank and Second Helpings Atlanta.
Thank you SO much! We are truly making a difference together, and I couldn’t have done this without you!
Taking Time Off?
What does taking time off as a small business owner even mean? Especially during such a busy time of the year for small businesses?
Honestly, I still don’t really know. I am struggling to pump the brakes after so much forward motion. It feels as if I am letting others down while also potentially missing o out on income that I am not likely to make back throughout other parts of the year. So there are a lot of feels here.
But I also hear my body and my brain crying out for me to stop. To pause. To breathe. To redefine what it means to be a small, one-person-run business.
Just like the natural world, I cannot be in perpetual motion. I’ve done that before—actually many, many times before—and it never ends well.
I had an idea for what I would have liked to have made at the Holiday Hooray this past weekend and my expectations were blown out of the water. So, using what I learned in the workshop I took with
in October, I believe I’ve made my “enough number” for this month, if not the full year (I think? This is an ongoing experiment), and I would really love to turn my focus towards the things I have been neglecting such as writing my second novel. Resting. Reading books for pleasure (I haven’t finished one book yet this month!). Going inwards and working on healing those parts of myself that revealed themselves unhealed at the market. Cuddling with my cats. The entire list of things I wrote that I was most excited for this autumn (see below).
As a teeny-tiny starting off point, Arlen and I are doing our own advent calendar of sorts. My best friend told me a long time ago about her collection of DVDs and how it always comes in handy whenever her internet goes out or a movie she loves is no longer available anywhere to stream. Brilliant, right?
So, I went to the thrift store and found a super basic DVD player, picked up a random assortment of DVDs, and purchased a universal remote to operate it all. Then, of the 17 or so DVDs I purchased, I chose four to wrap and promptly forgot what I wrapped, thus making each a surprise for both of us.
Now that my main work is done (i.e. the market) we have started unwrapping them. This week, we grabbed some popcorn, warm pajamas, and unwrapped The Land Before Time(!!). Are you a 90s kid? Did seeing that title pop up hit you right in the nostalgic feels? Because that is what it did for us. As we watched, we both reminisced about our favorite characters (Ducky) and I over-enthusiastically explained the computer game I played obsessively as a child to Arlen. We even looked up a game play of it right after the movie ended.
Didyou ever play this? I most remembered the maze with Cera the “three-horn”, but when we looked through all the games, I began remembering more. And even when I didn’t remember playing the actual game, the SOUNDS brought me right back to my younger self! Those are buried in my brain for life and made me unreasonably giddy hearing again.
This is a very small act of service towards myself and our relationship, unlocking memories I didn’t realize were buried while simultaneously creating new, shared ones. Something small that feels intentional and important in ways I can’t quite explain.
Until next time,
💛 B.A. Franc
Fun fact: UV rays can still burn you on heavily cloudy days!! I also learned this the hard way. As long as you are outside and it’s daytime, always a good idea to re up on sunscreen/cover up.
I totally feel you for wondering if it’s my default self to second guess all my human interactions. But I also think about how I am with my closest friends and how I don’t question myself when I’m with them, which I’d like to think is the most relaxed version of myself.
It was an absolute pleasure meeting you and talking to you about tea and your book ✨️ I haven't been a regular reader in quite some time, but I'm almost half way thru "A Daisy in Lily's Valley" and it's such a lovely read! I'm so happy you've shared your talent and whimsy with the world and I hope to see you at other local events soon!!