Doctor's offices make me cry
so I picked myself some mums from the garden
I just looked at my calendar because I honestly cannot believe how long this week has been. I went to get my yearly physical on Monday and somehow a month passed but it is only Friday? Weird how time works . . .
Along with my yearly check-up, I went to the doctor with the primary goal of to discuss my allergies. More specifically, how this year I seem to have picked up new, worsening symptoms because of my allergies. When I say I’ve caught every symptom I mean I have added near-daily-nosebleeds and itchy inner ears (how is this a thing?!) to my already full roster of 8-hour sneezing fits, daily post-nasal drip (yum!), one runny nostril and one congested one, sinus headaches, itchy eyes, and nightly mouth-breathing. Fun, right?
Even though I had a designated plan for my visit and had arrived early ready to do all the things necessary for my continued health, I still felt a strong urge to cry while sitting in the waiting room. This is partially because I signed in but didn’t talk to anyone, so as more people got called to the back, I automatically assumed I had done something wrong. I hadn’t followed the right protocol (was I supposed to talk to someone when I signed in? It’s already 15 minutes past my appointment time. Do they think I am a no show?).
I also always always feel so incredibly, imperceptibly small when I am at the doctor’s office. Any doctor’s office. This is likely due to the medical trauma I experienced a few years ago. For those who have followed my journey for awhile, this is likely old news, but for those who are new, here is a brief run down:
From 2021-2023, I found myself in and out of doctor’s offices. It all started with finally getting good health insurance thanks to my husband which meant I could finally go to a really good OBGYN. You know, the kind who actually care about you as a patient and aren’t just trying to shuttle you through the doors as quickly as possible?
Anywho, on that very first visit, I was scheduled to have an ultrasound because I had described intense pain in my abdomen. Lo-and-behold, there was a grapefruit sized cyst growing on my left-ovary. I was immediately told that I would need surgery to remove it. Keep in mind, I was alone when I received this news. It was still the height of Covid so no one was allowed to accompany me to my appointment, not that I had any idea this was how the appointment was going to go. Worst case scenario, I thought my IUD had shifted and was causing the pain and would need to be removed only to find a GIANT ASS FRUIT was growing in my body. Cool, cool, cool.
Everything sort of spiraled for the next two years. Or maybe it was more of a rollercoaster sort of loop-de-loop, with both ups and downs. For starters, the first surgeon who talked to me (the very day I was told about my cyst) seemed kind at first. Until he told me my two options: 1) totally remove the ovary and potentially decrease my ability to have children or 2) cut away the cyst but be left with the possibility for regrowth. Of course, I immediately said “Take the whole thing, I don’t want children,” to which the doctor replied, “You should talk to your husband first.”
Following that incident, it turned out our insurance was currently in a contract dispute with the hospital that would perform the surgery. I was told to wait one month and then it would likely be resolved. A month later and I was told the same thing, to continue to wait. All the while, I was freaking out that this grapefruit would one day just burst inside me and what that could possibly mean. So I found another doctor who could perform the surgery at another hospital all the way in Atlanta.
After the surgery and recovery, things were really looking up for me for about 6 months. I felt great! I was pain free for the first time in FIVE YEARS!
And then a new pain developed very low in my abdomen. I was told it was diverticulitis and given antibiotics. I was told it might be scar tissue regrowing from the surgery and given a CT Scan. I was told I had something called Nutcracker Syndrome but had to do my own research for that and find a specialist who was actually quite kind and ruled that out as the cause of my pain. He referred me to a gastroenterologist where I was given my first endoscopy & colonoscopy. I was told I have a torturous colon (which just means it’s extra long) along with gastritis and here is some medicine for that.
It took a little over a year to figure out what was wrong. All I needed was physical therapy. My Psoas muscle was tight and needed help relaxing. I was given a bunch of awesome stretches and exercises and now I am officially pain free, for the time being.
All of that to say, there is a lot of anxiety and heartbreak and negative feelings associated with going to the doctor.
Thankfully, my new PCP was wonderful. She listened to my concerns and immediately recommended I go see an allergist to help determine the right course of action. I’ve been to an allergist once before when I lived in NYC (and am just now realizing that was also a super traumatic experience where a doctor jabbed a swollen lymph node in my neck with a needle without warning me. On my birthday). I did an environmental scratch test on my arm which informed me I was allergic to, well, everything. YAY! Super fun times happening here.
On Tuesday, I returned a call from the allergist I was referred to only to have gotten the worlds worst scheduler on the other line. I felt like a complete nuisance to her for not knowing that there was more than one location to chose from for an appointment. When I asked what locations they had, she said there were 18. No further elaboration. So I randomly picked one and prayed this interaction would wrap up soon. I had just started giving her my information when it got really silent for at least five minutes and then. . . the phone disconnected.
Frustrated and on the verge of more tears, I said fuck it, found the allergist’s website, and sent in a digital request for an appointment instead. I wound up receiving a call that I missed. I am a total phone avoider.
Nervously, I returned the call, hoping against all odds I wouldn’t get the same person on the other line. Thankfully, I was connected to someone much more helpful. I managed to schedule a more convenient appointment at an even earlier date than the original, and left the interaction with a smile on my face and kind words exchanged with the scheduler.
Then I proceeded to cry. Again. More medical tears being shed.
Questions rapidly tumbled through my head, like:
Will I finally be able to breathe like a regular human? Something I haven’t been able to do in nearly 13 years?? They said I’d be doing tests for both environmental allergens and food allergens. I cut out gluten and my body calmed down A LOT but not entirely. Will I finally have all the answers? Will I be allowed to get a shot or medications that helps me walk more easily through life instead of having multiple days stolen by sneezing fits followed by soreness from all the sneezing? What possibilities are about to open up to me? And how will I feel sitting at this new doctor’s office, alone, for hours getting tested?
All of which is my super long way of saying . . . it has been a week. All wrapped into the first two days. The following four had there own set of issues, but I’ll save that story for another day.
PS—here is some added cuteness for you, in case your week was as challenging as mine. 💛
New Book Club!
Have you heard about
’s and my new book club? I announced it last week, but it was at the bottom of the newsletter, so I thought I would pop in a reminder here. It’s officially starting today and we are so super excited to connect with new readers from around the world!
We are calling our bookclub the No Pressure Crew. This is a phrase Maria and I often text to one another as a gentle reminder that there is no pressure to respond to our multi-leveled texts (some have as many as 100 replies), no pressure to push too hard in our respective businesses, no pressure to make the bed or do the laundry or eat something other than cereal of the day feels especially tough, and definitely no pressure to try to be perfect, especially around each other. We show up as we are when we can and fully accept one another as our beautifully messy selves.
We wanted to extend that whole vibe to our bookclub where we will have a longer time for each book than most other bookclubs (2-3 months) to finish each read. We also chose Fable to host the club because it has this awesome set-up where you can really go at your own pace. Every chapter has a little discussion room that you can pop in to whenever you have finished reading it yourself and leave any comments/ reactions/ grievances you may have while keeping it spoiler free. And because it is all housed in one place over the course of two-months, there is no time-zone barrier the way that hosting an IG Live might pose. You can pop in to discuss the book at literally anytime and still connect with other readers, even if we all live thousands of miles away!
If this sounds as awesome to you as it does to us, feel free to use this link to join, and you should also receive a $5 credit to purchase ebooks via the Fable app. We’ve just picked out the book for November & December: The Inheritance of Orquídea Divina by Zoraida Córdova. We hope to see you there!
Fall Markets
My first market went SO AMAZING! The market was much smaller than normal but that was totally ok by me as it was my first time participating in something like this in nearly ten years. I had the absolute best booth mate, Annie of Little Mae’s Crochet, who I was able to chat and laugh with the entire day, and I even managed to sell loads of books & bookish gifts, including five copies of my own novel (eeeppp!). But most importantly, I had the best conversations with everyone who walked into my booth to talk about books or the funny things kids say or spooky season or even the changing of last names. And I made new friends along the way!
Next up on my list of events is the local author day at the Gwinnett Public Library in Lilburn, GA. This is actually he city in which I attended high school, and I am just SO excited to be gathering with other talented, local authors. I think it is going to be an amazing day. It’s even going to be packed with author readings for the kiddos which is always a treat!
And finally, my last market of the season will be held in Athens, GA at the Indie South Fair Holiday Hooray. I have extra special goodies I will be bringing to this market. It has long been one of my favorite markets to attend as a customer supporting local artists and will be equally exciting to attend as a vendor. I hope to see some of you there if you are in the area!
Thanks for listening to my untitled thoughts today,
💛 B.A. Franc
Brittani, I'm so sorry you've been going through this. I understand the fear and frustration of trying to find medical help, especially while feeling ill. I've struggled with allergies my whole life and more recently chronic migraine. I really empathize with you.
I know you didn't ask for advice but just in case it helps you or someone else, I recommend using an air purifier and, use the allergy pillow covers and mattress covers that block dust mites. (I even travel with my pillow case.) For the nose, you can try a neti pot or Xlear saline spray to help clear and moisturize. Also, when I had blocked sinuses that would not clear, I had success going to a salt spa (called halotherapy). You can also buy a salt inhaler. It's kind of weird but it helps me. I hope that you are feeling better soon and find strategies for continued health! <3